the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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