the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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