I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
