Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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