you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
