Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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