Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
