I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
