I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
