I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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