Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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