I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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