What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
