But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
