i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
