she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
