She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
