sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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