Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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