My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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