pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize