I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize