DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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