kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
