Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
