I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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