yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
