I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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