I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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