i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
please come you make the beer taste better
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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