Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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