I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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