i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
