I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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