Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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