Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
