Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
