I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
