hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
