Cold hands, warm shart.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?