Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
