Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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