mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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