I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Vodka?
Forever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
3 2 1 whiskey
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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