we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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