new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize