When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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