The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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