i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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