i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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