i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
