Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
