I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
