i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
