he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
