why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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