I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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