Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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